July 2010
1 post
I’m scared I’ll lose myself.
June 2010
2 posts
Untitled, as of yet.
He waited for her,
as she roamed the globe.
Wistfully, he longed for her radiance
to caress his dark, grey surface.
He looked over his lifeless exterior,
the surface that once fulfilled him,
and only saw what was missing:
light.
Every night he forced his eyelids to stay open,
until they cried and pleaded for sleep,
hoping to get a little glimpse of
her still sleepy face just rising from...
I need to get back in the habit of writing, I was doing so well there for a while. I was using this as a diary (and, I must say, it really worked); but, now my life has slowed down quite a bit. I have no interesting laments or stories to tell. I thought about resorting to fictional writing (practice for the novel I would love to write), but can’t seem to develop the plot, characters, or even...
May 2010
1 post
A Retelling of Fortunate Events
The place in which I live does not promote intelligence or artisticness. I’ve never really fit in, except for when I was too young and naive to form my own interests, or even tell the difference. As I got older, I grew apart from the people I was surrounded by. I wasn’t ever a social pariah, I just never had any lasting relationships that I had the desire to keep.
My sophomore year of...
April 2010
6 posts
you turn me on to the idea of growing old.
Don’t leave me like he did. Please don’t get tired of me. I can’t be the one that cares the most in my relationships anymore. I really just can’t. I love us. I am so incredibly happy. Happier than I’ve ever been, I think. I want our plans, and I want to stay with you. I love that we’ll live at the beach and both teach at really awesome schools. And how...
Let's go.
I think I want to be a teacher. I wan to affect someone’s life, I really do. I want to teach kids. To learn, and challenge, and write to express themselves. I want to show them great literature and great writers. I want to inspire them and tell them to be great. I want to show them that being normal is overrated and all the most wonderful people are weird in their own way! I’m feeling...
Me: “I was really planning on not getting attached to you… It’s not really working.”
Him: “I was going to try to do the same thing. But, I’ve failed. You’re so amazing.”
We planned a road trip. Cross country, and across the World. We mapped out our stops, and where we’d sleep. We dreamt, together, about how we could spend every night cuddled...
Talking in circles.
What, exactly, does the phrase ‘be yourself’ mean? The self you are, or the self you ought to be? The self you desire, or the self you loathe? There are so many different facets to our personalities and egos, how could we ever be true to only one? If we define a specific identity to pledge our allegiance to, doesn’t that leave us trapped within ourselves, or the archetype we have...
Play the part.
I am no better than anyone else, but I want to be. I’d like to be the one affecting, instead of the one effected. I’m infected with everyone else, yet none are sick with my characteristics. For I am simply a compilation of other’s words and other’s ideas. I’d like an identity to my own, beliefs that are solely mine. Sometimes, it helps to believe everyone else is...
I'll be sending out a search party promptly.
I am no longer confident in my beliefs or opinions; I constantly need to feel reassurance from others. What I must realize is my opinion is the only one that matters. Without the self, we have nothing.
I seem to have temporarily misplaced my “self”. I must go on a search.
March 2010
7 posts
Silly girl, dreams are for kids.
I roll over in my bed, still caught up in a dream, expecting to be greeted by the warm comfort of your body next to mine. My hands blindly search for your back but fall short and find nothing but a cold, lifeless pillow.
You’re not here.
I open my eyes a little and see the bed is empty, which leaves me disappointed. Still under the influence of a deep sleep and a hypnotic dream (a very bad...
ask or tell me something! pretty please :) →
I need a new addiction that isn’t you.
Any thing.
Any one.
An opinion you probably don't want to hear.
I think everything in my life would be much easier if I believed in God. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, “Religion is the tylenol of the masses, and I am so glad it works.” Well, I have a headache but my tylenol is defective.
Lately, there’s been a bunch of hoopla about my lack of religious beliefs; I am not sure why everyone decided to blow up over this innocuous opinion, since...
I think I know you the best when I'm sleeping.
His arms were around me, tight but unattached. This was the second night I had stayed the night, but things were different now… he was different now. I wanted, so badly, to feel something. I wanted him to feel something again… the desire was overwhelming but hopeless. We had just finished arguing and I had just finished crying… “Why can’t just hate me, Kelsey? I know...
chances are slim we are right.
We got in the car, just the two of us. I knew being alone together wasn’t good, it wasn’t good for either one of us. But, I didn’t care. It was cold outside, and my body shivered when I sat down. You immediately leaned up in his chair, leaning over the console towards my seat. I turned my body around to face him and pulled my legs up next to me. My stomach was jumping around...
the hopes and fears of all these years are here...
I don’t want to go to college. It seems silly to think we all go through so much school to eventually get jobs we hate, to make money for things we don’t need, so we can maybe be happy…
I don’t want any of that. I don’t want to lose the small ounce of spirit I have, I want to fuel it. I want to actually live. I want to act on every stupid, illogical, happy, loving,...
February 2010
10 posts
Every line is about who I don't want to write...
The last lingering light, a barely visible street lamp, crawled through the crack of the curtains and leapt upon his face, softly tracing the outlines of every curve. The faint murmur of the lonely cars outside intertwined gracefully with the melodious mumble of Brand New playing in the background. He quietly sang along, “then ask me what it’s like to have my self so figured out. I...
my photographs. enjoy :) →
“If it makes you happy, it’s worth it. No matter what.”
a day of realizations.
First epiphany:
If you love someone, you love all of them. Every flaw, every perfection, every mistake, every choice, every accomplishment. It may not be your favorite thing, but you still love them, regardless. It’s “I love you” not “I love you, except…” I realized, I made mistakes in my last relationship (I take responsibility for my screw up); but, I...
it's a dumb holiday, really.
All this Valentine’s Day nonsense is really starting to give me a false sense of hope, that is very bad. You see, I’m an idealistic person. Because of this, I like to hold on to every single possibility anyone could ever pry out of any given situation. However, due to my current situation, that’s detrimental. I cannot hold on to any possibilities. I need to move on, and force...
here's to hoping...
I want someone who, will pose in the photo booth with me. will yell “I love Kelsey Elizabeth Newkham!” when we’re arguing in public. will give me forehead kisses, without me ever having to say how much I love them. will hold me close when I’m upset, and knows exactly how to make me feel better. will adore me. deserves everything I have to give. will write me sweet letters...
the recollections of a vacant mind.
It’s been a month and I’m worried he’s forgotten me. It scares me, more than I want it to. I think of him less and less and it makes me sad. When I try to remember times when we were together, the memories don’t come easy and they’re always a little foggy. I know I remember them; but I think, finally, my forgetting tool is no longer out of commission. I know the one...
Damn it, how will I ever get out of this...
(I know it’s long! But, please pleaseeee read until the end!)
I’m impatient, quite possibly a little too blunt, hard-headed, and impulsive. I think incredibly too much, and it’s near impossible for me to simply make a decision. I’m inappropriate, and cuss a little too much. I constantly second-guess myself, and my abilities. I am made entirely of flaws, and I know that. I don’t believe in...
the ubiquitous realization...
I’ve recently stumbled upon the fact that the past is, very much, a ghost. A looming, omnipresent ghost that sometimes prevents us from moving on, or even moving at all. A ghost that has the ability to take our breathe away and bring chills shooting down our spines; a ghoul that doesn’t allow our eyes to rest, for fear of loneliness. It haunts us and forces us to reckon with things we...
This, too, shall pass. I promise.
Open your eyes and let the light pour in, let the light engulf you and wrap you in warmth. May it bring you happiness, my love. May it make up for every euphoric feeling you do not feel in your life, may it fill all the empty spaces in your heart. I wish you well. Open your eyes and let the light drape over you. Please. Let it cover your eyes, your lovely, lovely brown eyes. Yours lips,...
I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched...
For this blog, I wanted to do something a little different. Instead of writing over my, as-of-lately, usual heartbroken woes and feeble attempts at forgetting, I’m going to write about a much more upbeat subject: The things I love in life, and never want to go without: (in no particular order, because I couldn’t choose an order if I wanted; I love every single one of these things)
1....
January 2010
5 posts
i will follow you into the dark.
allow endings.
Oddly enough, these two seemingly innocuous words are the two words that have helped me the most the past few days…
It’s one of those phrases that’s so small and minute but has the ability to make you feel so much. it makes me sad. hopeful. reminiscent. optimistic. nostalgic. but, I know things will be okay. Everything is always okay. People say time heals all....
a letter to a thief.
The Thief Abraham Colley
“Thou robb’st my days of business and delights, Of sleep thou robb’st my nights ; Ah, lovely thief, what wilt thou do? What? rob me of heaven too? Even in my prayers thou hauntest me: And I, with wild idolatry, Begin to God, and end them all to thee.
Is it a sin to love, that it should thus Like an ill conscience torture us? Whate’er I do,...
the things i want but do not have.
This is my first tumblr post, as you can probably tell. I’ve never blogged before, but figured it was an appropriate time to start.
Tonight I’ve been mentally making a list of everything I want. Not a shopping list, or a to-do list. Just things in general. This quote sparked my interest, “Well, sooner of later this cold, it’s going to break. So our hands will be warm...