a letter to a thief.
The Thief
Abraham Colley
“Thou robb’st my days of business and delights,
Of sleep thou robb’st my nights ;
Ah, lovely thief, what wilt thou do?
What? rob me of heaven too?
Even in my prayers thou hauntest me:
And I, with wild idolatry,
Begin to God, and end them all to thee.
Is it a sin to love, that it should thus
Like an ill conscience torture us?
Whate’er I do, where’er I go—
None guiltless e’er was haunted so!—
Still, still, methinks, thy face I view,
And still thy shape does me pursue,
As if, not you me, but I had murdered you.
From books I strive some remedy to take,
But thy name all the letters make;
Whate’er ‘tis writ, I find thee there,
Like points and commas everywhere.
Me blessed for this let no man hold,
For I, as Midas did of old,
Perish by turning every thing to gold.
What do I seek, alas, or why do I
Attempt in vain from thee to fly?
For, making thee my deity,
I gave thee then ubiquity.
My pains resemble hell in this:
The divine presence there too is,
But to torment men, not to give them bliss.”
i love this poem.
(this is going to be long…)
To who you used to be,
I wish your eyes still lit up when I walked into the room, and I wish you still thought about me all the time. I wish your dreams were still filled with my voice and my touch. I miss how we once were; I wish how completely content I was with you and how everything was so easy when we were together. Everything fell away, out of sight and out of mind, as soon as I was with you. It was all too fast…we moved too fast and I fell too fast; you promised you wouldn’t give up…and you did. I loved the pathway we so effortlessly and elegantly charted out. Maybe I’m still holding on to the idea of you, or maybe it’s all of you I’m holding on to. I hope you still miss me. I hope you still dream about me. I hope certain things trigger your memory of me. I hope when you’re with her, you’re thinking of me. I hope you regret it. I hope you regret it… I will think of you fondly. And I will remember the things you said, because I don’t want to forget any of them… Maybe I really fell hard for you, or maybe I fell hard for everything you said and the ideas that we created together. But, you’re the most inconsistent human being I’ve ever met, and I’ve met a ton of fucking people. I wish you were still the boy I fell in love with; the one who would call no matter what he was doing, the one who always knew what to say, the one who always wanted to be with me, the one who said “I am and will always be head over hills in love with you”; or the one who said, “I’ve never felt this way with anyone before, all I can think about with you is being with you until we’re both old and gray…and I would love every minute of it.” I wish you weren’t the asshole who fooled me.
This is hopeless. Yes, I wish we could be as happy as we were… but, we’ll never be that happy again. I’m forgetting you, piece by piece, because I’ve tried so hard to. At one point, I didn’t want to ever forget every word you whispered into my ear and everything you told me. But, I will forget about you because that’s how I move on. I want to say it’s over, but I’m not ready to let you go. I cannot feel like this. I can’t do it when you’re not around. Things have been so terrible and foggy the past two months. You were the only one that ever made me feel better. I want you to be in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I want you to spend the rest of yours with me. I want my lips to be only for your lips, and your lips to be only for mine. My heart only for you, and your heart only for me. I want to share everything with you and I want to hear every story you have to tell me. I could listen to you talk for days. I want to be that one person for you. The one you need in your life, that you can’t live without. I wish you still loved me, I really do. You made me happier than anyone has ever made me. I’m SO scared of you. I’m SO scared to be without you. I want the two-story white townhouse that’s decorated crazy because I did it. I want the upstairs bedroom with a cozy bed and books along the walls. I want the Australian shepherd named Winston. I want to sit in your lap every night in our big chair. I want to kiss you every night. I don’t want to sleep without your arms around me. I don’t want to do this without you…I know I’ll be fine without you. But, I want to be better than fine. You shouldn’t be with anyone else. You should be with me. I’m crazy about you. I know you’re with her right now. I wish it was me. I wish it was me. I think I’m just kidding myself at this point. But we all know I’ve always been prone to idealism. Maybe we weren’t ever meant to be… I wish I was the one. I want to be someone’s one.
But, It’s obvious you don’t miss me and that you meant every word you said to me while you were mad. What changed? Back in December when everything went to shit? I wish you were still perfect like you used to be. And, I wish I was still perfect to you like I used to be. I used to be so strong and I never needed anyone before. Now, I think I need you and I don’t like it. I still love you. I’m still crazy about you. When I’ve had a bad day, you’re the first person I want to call. You’re the first I think about before I go to bed. I hate it. I hate you. I will not love you anymore. I can’t… I need to move on. But, I seem to be stuck.
Love, from the bottom of my heart,
Kelsey
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