the ubiquitous realization…
I’ve recently stumbled upon the fact that the past is, very much, a ghost. A looming, omnipresent ghost that sometimes prevents us from moving on, or even moving at all. A ghost that has the ability to take our breathe away and bring chills shooting down our spines; a ghoul that doesn’t allow our eyes to rest, for fear of loneliness. It haunts us and forces us to reckon with things we simply want to bury. “When will they set us free,” we ask ourselves…
But, sometimes, instead of running from these ghosts…we hold onto them. We latch on until our hands and our hearts and our minds ache; we latch on to these ghosts, hoping for them to take us back to moments of bliss. But, their cold, lifeless hands simply turn us away grief-stricken and fooled. Of course, these are simply metaphoric fabrications and there are no physical phantoms that prey upon us once our heads hit the pillow. Simply spirits in our minds; skeletons in our closet, if you will.
I, myself, am chasing the ghost of a good thing, the memories of a better time, and the feelings of a love that once meant so much. I’m holding onto the agony in my heart because it’s all I have left of what has been, and may never be again. It’s hard to go from being everything to nothing in one fell swoop, and it’s hard to struggle with the phantoms of the past left inside you that take no pity upon your heavy heart. I’ll bend our pieces until they fit… like they were made for it. But, we were never made it for it. And, maybe, if I say it enough it will no longer be such a blatant lie: I don’t need you, I don’t want you, I hate you. Go away ghosts, you’ve made this hard enough…
But I know, deep down, I will be even more miserable without these wretched, imaginary ghouls… for they are all that’s left of a boy I never should have loved.
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