the only moment we were alone.

a day of realizations.

First epiphany:

If you love someone, you love all of them. Every flaw, every perfection, every mistake, every choice, every accomplishment. It may not be your favorite thing, but you still love them, regardless. It’s “I love you” not “I love you, except…”
I realized, I made mistakes in my last relationship (I take responsibility for my screw up); but, I apologized abundantly and did everything I could for atonement. I regret my mistake, I really do; however, regret only gets you so far… and once that’s gone, you’re left with the choice you made.
I can understand some of the harsh words and the hard feelings, but if he loved me as much as he said he did, he would be over it now. If he’s not willing to look past what I did and us get through it together (even though, might I add, I looked past his mistake because I was crazy about him) then, maybe, he didn’t love me as much as he said, and maybe I really didn’t matter all that much to him. I don’t think it was a lie, I just think I have a jaded memory…
Yes, it’s a harsh conclusion I’ve come to. It doesn’t make me feel any better, or any worse, but it helps me move on. There’s no longer anything I can do, and I know that. I’ve reached a turning point. And, I do believe I’ve made the right turn.
I still have weak moments where I miss him so much it hurts, others where I hate him, but there’s even more moments where I’m just okay.

Second, and biggest, epiphany:

Anyone who doesn’t regret letting me out of their life isn’t worth it.

I honestly believe this. I know I make many mistakes and have a keen ability to fuck things up entirely (I blindly walk into these traps quite frequently); but, I take responsibility for what I do, and I’m learning from them. I am honest, caring, loving… I think those are endearing qualities in other people, and I hope someone finds them charming in me, as well.
I know I’m worth it. I know that I am worthy of someone’s time and attention. I’m worth forgiving, and anyone who doesn’t see that is a blind jackass… Besides, I hear make up sex is the best, right?

We only have so much time alive and healthy, there’s no need to spend them heartbroken or unhappy. When you look back on your life, do you really want to think of how upset you were over a break up? or what year was the worst of your life? Because I know that I want to look back on everything that made me smile. I’m only this young once, I’m going to enjoy it. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Something will be.

P.S. my writing will probably be less than thought-provoking for a while (because, lately, I can’t write anything of value unless it’s foretelling the new advancements of my heartbreak)… but, I’m hoping you’ll stick with me, readers. I’ll find my niche, and all will be well again.